Sunday, October 08, 2006







Monday, September 18, 2006

a new year!

hello all of you hammerkittens out there..
well another year has started, the leaves are about to change, and with that comes a whole bunch of brand new FREE sketch comedy shows from your loyal lover - HammerkatzNYU..
some important news:
THIS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY Sept. 23rd and 24th at 1:30pm we will be holding AUDITIONS! Think you have what it takes? Want to join us and perform for hundreds of people on a monthly basis? Then get your ass to the 8th floor of the Kimmel center on one of those dates. We'll see you there, beautiful.
THE FIRST SHOW OF THE YEAR! Friday, October 13th - 9pm and 11pm -- 8th floor Kimmel. FRIDAY THE 13TH?!?! Damn straight. Be prepared for the ladder conveniently placed in front of the entrance. We're totally not superstitious.
So mark your calendars - here's to a great 2006-2007!

Thursday, June 01, 2006


It's been a long time coming, but music has just hit me. Somewhere between David Bowie, Gorillaz, Beck, Pink Floyd, The Pixies, Pavement, and the Gnarles Barkely song I just listened to twice, it's boiled over. A friend told me he was thinking about starting a band, and I respectfully told him that I couldn't possibly play bass for him. Maybe I should try. I don't have much to lose except the respect of my peers, and that's easily replaced by a decent bottle of wine, right? Well, now all I need to figure out is how to learn the bass again. This sounds like a long term failure.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


hey all -

there's been a date change for our april show:

NOTE: Friday, April 28th 10pm and 11pm

see you there!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

you've just been served by baryshniKILL.

here's a little sneak peek of the april show..

not to be missed. k here's a few from the last show :
this new ipod is weird.

matt is softly saying.. "i will take you home tonight.." - no, really. don't put hammerkatz in front of mics - seriously way too many bits occur before shows. no rehearsals - just bits over the mic.


the show to end all shows..

or at least to end this year...


9pm and 11pm

Kimmel - 8th floor FREE

you won't want to miss this.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

let's smurf this up a bit!

The English language is redundant. Why is there a need to capitalize letters and have periods? We need to get rid of capitalization for most words. This pointless task is wasting so much of our increasingly important lives. The excessive capitalization of letters which do not need to be capitalized (we'll refer to it as TECOLWDNNTBC for short) takes up three minutes of the average college student's life every year! Don't ask how I figured that out, bit it was accomplished with the help of some excruciatingly difficult calculus. Oh, I did notice that I capitalized the acronym back there, which leads me to another point. TECOLWDNNTBC does not include the exclusion of capitalization for all words.
List of simple corrections and clarifications:
1. The beginning of a new paragraph will not need capitalization because the indent already assures the reader knowledge of a new paragraph.
2. The beginning of a new sentence will not need capitalization because the period denotes the end of the previous sentence already.
3. Acronyms shall remain capitalized so as not to confuse them with words that are simply misspelled.
4. Proper nouns such as Mary and Tennessee will remain capitalized, but not if that proper noun is the name of an animal. We aren't capitalizing sheep, why should we have to capitalize Dolly? (This rule excludes Lamb Chops and Rocky the flying squirrel). No, fuck you green peace.
5. The pronoun "I" will be capitalized. Not capitalizing "I" does not make you a poet. It only makes you look retarded.

That's pretty simple, huh. There is a lot more of our modern language which is horribly redundant, so we should also just add the word "smurf" in whenever we plan to be redundant. Using these new rules for the Contemporary Smurf's English, I will now translate the following:

Jim and Susan went to the store. They bought a bottle of milk, some thumbtacks, and a brush for their pet dog, Snuffles. I like Snuffles.

Jim and Susan went to the store. smurf bought a smurf of milk, some smurfs, and a smurf for their smurf dog, snuffles. I smurffed snuffles.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Stupid rumors

Look, there's pretty nasty rumor going around about me and I don't want any of you to hear these lies from some gossip queen. So, I'm just saying, for the record, that Alex Lee does not eat people. You can quote me on that one.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Stupid art

Look, I don't claim to be the next Einstein. I don't want to be the next, big thing. There's too much pressure. I ain't no philistine, though. Should philistine be capitalized? Whatever, so take this little bit with a grain of salt, or at least some sympathy.
It's gotten to the point where I've read enough about art and have been exposed to enough of it to kind of know what's up. I've been to the Louvre. I saw Anselm Kiefer's special exhibit in Montreal. I've even seen a performance artist tie pigeons to his over exaggerated paper mache penis and let them fly off with it, but never have I felt so righteous as I did at this moment.
Last Sunday, I'm blowing some time at the Met since I was uptown anyway after eating breakfast with my aunt. I'm standing in front of a priceless Chagall work. It was one of the ones where he's floating around some dream like Paris making out with his wife. Then it just came out, "Fuck you Marc Chagall." A little old lady to my right gave a little gasp and put her hand to her mouth. I didn't stick around to see what kind of look was on her face. It wasn't worth it.
It was the most outrageous claim of my life, well, the most ridiculous insult I've ever heard come out of my mouth, and it was only the beginning. The next thing I know, all I'm thinking is:
"Come on Rembrandt, lighten up a little. What the hell Goya? Could you just take a freakin' chill pill. Christ! Picasso, don't you get me started. Okay, I get it, the dying bull's got some huge balls. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Really though, it'd be nice if you just sketch some kitschy smiley face. You pompous bastard. Not everything has to be so fucking deep. Stop being the arrogant genius you are for five damn minutes. Oh, and you. You mother fucker Chagall. Maybe you should paint something that doesn't defy the laws of physics. You think you can do that?"
It was kind of soothing to let that all off my chest.
Am I the only one who likes going to the New School libraries. I love them! They're great! Not only do I get to spend some time outside with the super cool art kids and talk about how cool all of our jackets and scarves are, but I also get to see how super cool it is to stand around outside and beg for smokes. Plus the libraries are always empty, at all times of the day! And on a side note, their librarians are a bunch of little hotties. Nothing like those tubby guys at our library. They look like they live in the basement of Bobst and have never been exposed to anything in their life except a seven o'clock shadow.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

saturday night's the night i like..

Saturday, March 25th

Kimmel - 8th Floor

9pm and 11pm


"the 2nd greatest show on earth."
i mean, we don't have tigers.


Sunday, March 19, 2006

I think I saw the girl who works at Other Music smile...

Well, I figured it was about time for Sime to do a good ol' fashioned music post, doncha think?
I think so. Here we go!

I was at the always reliable Other Music today with some friends from Cornell (that school with the...gorges) and I got a good recommendation from one of them for this cd:

It's actually a four song ep called Farewell Forest by Telepathe.
If you're into Gang Gang Dance and Animal Collective, you might wannt to check them out. They're actually on the same label as Gang Gang Dance. The label is The Social Registry.
The friend that made the recommendation also said that pretty much every band on that label now is quite good.
I suggest you check out their website here and see for yourself. They have plenty of mp3s from all the bands. I suggest you check out The Telepathe song they have there and also the band Psychic Ills. They're pretty rockin too.
And if you haven't heard Gang Gang Dance, give them a listen while you're there.
Go crazy!

Alright, that's enough of that. I hope everyone out there in NYU land had a fun and reckless spring break. Now it's time to work. Stop smiling! Go to bed!


Sunday, February 26, 2006

if you're bored AND on the internet at the same time....

Hey, we just launched the website for me and Dom's thesis film.

Check it out.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

dude, we spaced...

So we have it on good authority that some people showed up to Silver Center last Friday night looking for a HKATZNYU show that wasn't there. We were forced to postpone the show 'till THIS SATURDAY the 25th, in Silver 703, 9 and 11 PM. We're deeply sorry if you were one of those people who came on Friday...HKATZNYU owes you some ice cream . Come up after the show on Saturday and be like, "Dude, update your website...and buy me some ice cream." And we'll make that happen forthwith.

Speaking of ice cream, Donald Glover, Dominic Dierkes and myself are gonna be doing improv with NYU alums THE WICKED WICKED HAMMERKATZ on Friday night at Red Room at 10:30. The show is called "Drunken Ice Cream Social," and you get free ice cream and a free shot (if you're, y'know, of age) with your five dollar admission. Jhyeah! It should be a blast.



Monday, January 30, 2006

Look, it's that time of year.

Okay team, here's the thing. It's winter. Every single day is getting more grey than the last, your heavy duty chick/dude has dumped you for that crush in the first row at their econ lecture, Professor's are failing you without concern. We all need to pay close attention to the symptoms. Remember this crap, especially if you want your friends from high school to think you're majoring in bad fuckin' ass after they glance over your live journal post.
*hint: take notes when reading over Carlos', Minnie's, and Harry's blogs. and go to the Wellness exchange website to see pictures.*

Everyone else seems happy. How come I'm not?

Can you recognize the signs of depression? In your friends? In yourself? Our counselors can.

We're here to listen.
The Wellness Exchange. 212-443-9999
Free Screening

Take a quick self-test for depression and other emotional disorders:

When: Thursday, Feb. 2 from 11 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Where: 726 Broadway, Suite #471 or 920 Silver Center

Testing takes approximately 20 minutes and is completely confidential. (Students may also receive a referral for a full counseling session at the Counseling Service, if needed.)

Sponsored by the Student Health Center.

Frequently Asked Questions:
» What are the symptoms of major depression?
» What causes depression?
» Is there a link between alcohol/drug use and depression?
» What if my friend or roommate is exhibiting symptoms of depression?
» Can I afford treatment?
» Will my treatment be confidential?

Answers to these questions and more at The Wellness Exchange.

Carlos' Blog
"Missed class again today. For some reason, I just can't get out of bed, not till like four in the afternoon. My roommate got this awesome care package in the mail from his mom — cookies, candy, fruit — but I just couldn't eat any of it. I guess having no appetite is a way to keep the pounds off... Am scared to tell my parents that I'm failing two classes. I wish I could say it's because I don't study hard enough, but the truth is, I just don't care."

Minnie's Blog
"Yesterday Jordana said that I needed a shower. That was so mean. So maybe I haven't washed my hair in a few days... and my room is kind of a disaster. I've also stopped wearing makeup. I mean, what's the point? It's not like there's anyone here worth looking good for. Sometimes when I'm alone, I'll start crying for no reason. I haven't told anyone, I just feel so stupid. What does a privileged girl like me have to feel bad about?"

Harry's Blog
"I've been drinking a lot more these days. When I've had just the right amount of shots, that's when the pain goes away - at least until the next morning when I'm hung-over...or worse. That's when everything I've been trying to avoid comes rushing back stronger than before. Last night when we were out, I got into a fight with my friend Ricky. All of a sudden, I was throwing punches and the guys had to hold me back. I don't know why I did that. Ricky's a good guy. I don't even remember what I was so angry about."

Depression is not a passing mood, a sign of weakness or something you can convince yourself not to feel. It is a health disorder that can affect you physically and emotionally. It can be treated with counseling, medication, or a combination of both. The most important step toward treating depression — and sometimes the most difficult — is asking for help.
The Wellness Exchange

Ask anything, say anything. We're here to listen.

"I know I'm attracted to men, but my parents say it's just a phase I'm going through. They keep trying to set me up on dates with women. Why can't they accept me for who I am?"

"My best friend is using cocaine. I'm really worried about her, but every time I bring it up, we just get into an argument."

"I'm feeling so anxious these days. Like when I walk into class, sometimes I'll literally be shaking, just terrified that I'll get called on and make a fool of myself."

"I've kind of gone a little wild since I started college. There've been so many guys, I seriously can't remember all their names. I'm starting to worry that I might have caught something..."

"My parents are really pressuring me to become a lawyer. It's not what I want but I'm afraid of disappointing them. I mean, they're paying for my education. I just feel sad all the time."

Sunday, January 08, 2006

who wants to...

...go see Broken Social Scene with me?

I know Sime's down. Anybody else?