The English language is redundant. Why is there a need to capitalize letters and have periods? We need to get rid of capitalization for most words. This pointless task is wasting so much of our increasingly important lives. The excessive capitalization of letters which do not need to be capitalized (we'll refer to it as TECOLWDNNTBC for short) takes up three minutes of the average college student's life every year! Don't ask how I figured that out, bit it was accomplished with the help of some excruciatingly difficult calculus. Oh, I did notice that I capitalized the acronym back there, which leads me to another point. TECOLWDNNTBC does not include the exclusion of capitalization for all words.
List of simple corrections and clarifications:
1. The beginning of a new paragraph will not need capitalization because the indent already assures the reader knowledge of a new paragraph.
2. The beginning of a new sentence will not need capitalization because the period denotes the end of the previous sentence already.
3. Acronyms shall remain capitalized so as not to confuse them with words that are simply misspelled.
4. Proper nouns such as Mary and Tennessee will remain capitalized, but not if that proper noun is the name of an animal. We aren't capitalizing sheep, why should we have to capitalize Dolly? (This rule excludes Lamb Chops and Rocky the flying squirrel). No, fuck you green peace.
5. The pronoun "I" will be capitalized. Not capitalizing "I" does not make you a poet. It only makes you look retarded.
That's pretty simple, huh. There is a lot more of our modern language which is horribly redundant, so we should also just add the word "smurf" in whenever we plan to be redundant. Using these new rules for the Contemporary Smurf's English, I will now translate the following:
Jim and Susan went to the store. They bought a bottle of milk, some thumbtacks, and a brush for their pet dog, Snuffles. I like Snuffles.
Jim and Susan went to the store. smurf bought a smurf of milk, some smurfs, and a smurf for their smurf dog, snuffles. I smurffed snuffles.