Thursday, September 29, 2005

Steve is from the Garden State

I went home for impromptu dental surgery today (i evidently bit off a cap on my tooth after the hammerkatz show on saturday night).

Now i'm from historic Haddonfield, NJ. We're mostly notable for having discovered the first dinosaur bones in the US (the hadrosaurus). We celebrated this by erecting in our town square a giant dinosaur statue. It's truly surreal. You're walking down a very colonial, grover's corners/norman rockwell-esque downtown area and all of a sudden a big fucking dinorsaur is poking its head out from between the shop that makes custom made dog treats (3 dog bakery) and a store where you can weave your own baskets.

The statue is named Haddy. In fact, the 3 grade schools in my town had a competition to name it. Again, my town is Haddonfield, and the name of the dinosaur discovered there was the Hadrosaurus. A kid imagined up the name Haddy, and has his name on a plaque at the base of the staute. The main competition he faced was from another kid whose suggestion was Haddie. My conclusion is that 6 to 11 year olds are idiots.

In any case, my town is 3 miles from Philadelphia, and 2 miles from the current murder capital of the United States: Camden, NJ. My town is about 2 1/2 square miles, and we have 11 churches. We also have 3 graveyards. It was founded by Quakers (pacifists who like oats, and talking loudly in meeting rooms). There is a Quaker graveyard that me and my friends used to enjoy running around at night. It was never scary in the way most graveyards are afterdark. Usually you would spend about 5-10 minutes in one, hear one of your friends break a twig, freak the fuck out, and run like hell. But since Quakers believe that it is a sin to in any way do anything negative towards another human being, it was thereby impossible to be scared. Quaker ghosts couldn't frighten me b/c it would be against their beliefs. Conclusion: Quaker ghosts are pussies.

Alrighty bed for me.

--Steve

ROOMMATE MINUTE by Matt Sadewitz:
I find that the best time to look for loose change in the couch is between 7:30pm and 10:00pm. The reason for this is simple: its primetime on television, which is responsible for the highest volume of traffic on said couch. I have been known to find upwards of 40 cents daily. Don't tell steve. I spent it all already. On baseball cards and edible cellophane.

ROOMMATE REBUTTAL by Steve Stout
Matt is a thief. He beats me up and steals my lunch money. In addition to this he enjoys rubbing toasted cheese on his inner thighs "for health reasons." Do not believe his lies. Aid the revolution.

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